God Will Bless Your Efforts

In following my previous post, my discontentment didn't disappear completely. I knew what I wanted in theory, but I couldn't see past my own fear and uncertainty. Nervousness crept in every time I thought about the changes I wanted to make.

These changes would effect my whole family. I wanted to pray more as an individual, as a family, and as a couple. I wanted to move our TV downstairs and out of our main living area where the boys play. The final change I was hoping to make was to look into and implement some of the Montessori approach to learning into my toddlers lives. From what I have read and seen over on Fishies In a Row, it would be beneficial for the boys. It also looked like the perfect way to prepare for homeschooling down the road, something I desire to do for my children, but have little confidence in my ability.

The churning in my stomach could rival a stormy sea. I didn't know where to start and doubts filled my mind. I wanted to do these things, but I was terrified. What if I failed? What if my husband didn't want to join me in prayer? What if moving the TV was a disaster? On bad days, it was an all too convenient "life saver". And Montessori seemed so amazing, but did I have the ability to follow through?

What if I fail?

I reached out to a friend in my nervousness and asked for her prayers. I knew in my heart I needed to do these things, but my doubt clouded my judgment. That afternoon, I began reading "A Mother's Rule of Life" by Holly Pierlot. Within the first chapter, she addressed my fears and they were blown away. Gone was the churning and fear every time I thought of my changes. In a paragraph, God had revealed to me what was possible to accomplish with him. The author's situation may have been different, but the message was still applicable.

Without trying, I will fail. God cannot bless inaction. In order for blessings to flow, I first needed to take the leap and make an effort. It may take some time, but if we keep at it, God will bless our efforts. We only need to be prepared to give it our all.

Shortly after this realization, we reorganized our basement and moved the TV and a couch downstairs. So far, the benefits outweigh the cons. The kids play more and no is an accepted answer when a show is requested. There is more space for them to run and play. It may been a bigger mess to clean, but it is also an opportunity to teach them how to tidy their toys and take responsibility.

I'm so glad we made this positive change and I look forward to the ones to come.

Blurred Vision

An opportunity presented itself to me in August. It presented itself in the chance to turn my hobby into a business and earn an income doing something I enjoyed. It seemed perfect for a stay-at-home mom like myself and I wanted it bad.

All I had to do was pay the buy in price and I'd have access to discounts and advice from fellow mom's running small creative businesses. It sounded amazing! But my husband had doubts and valid reasons as to why it wasn't the right time or fit. It would have been a huge investment of money and time, with little guarantee of success. I reluctantly knew he was right, but the temptation persisted. I didn't take part in the opportunity and resisted the glamours of what it could be. Yet in passing up what could have been, I gave in to the other side of the temptation. In not getting what I desired, I forgot what I did have and what was truly important.

Discontent filled my heart and mind. Somehow I had convinced myself that in order to be happier as a stay-at-home mom, I needed something outside - something separate - from my vocation as a wife and mother. After all, every moment was spent towards fulfilling that vocation, from the time I woke up to the moment I fell asleep at night. Didn't I deserve to have something of my own in which to out pour my passion?

The discontent continued and seeped into my duties. I did the bare minimum and often grumbled. My ambitions were skewed. Everyone else could do everything better than me. I wanted to be more than "just" a mom.

August passed and with it the opportunity. I had taken on a commission piece with a time sensitivity. Every spare moment was spent on completing this project. There was little joy in making it and any time interruptions occurred, I became impatient. When I finished it, I was relieved and the realization dawned that I wasn't ready for the responsibility of running my own business. In running it, my family duties would be neglected. I didn't have the time to put in the effort required to run a business. Not at the expense of my family. They are much more important than the income I could bring.

With this realization came uncertainty. I knew I needed to refocus my heart and mind on my vocation, but where did I begin? What was I supposed to do to change my focus and fulfill my vocation? I had ideas, yet my vision remained blurred by my own insecurities.

My vision has cleared someone. I wouldn't say I am out of the fog yet, but God has shown me some ways to make real and positive changes, if I just take the steps to get there.

Today Is A Good Day

You know those days when you had planned to get things done, but it just doesn't happen?  You're grumbling and everyone needs extra attention, but you feel about as affectionate as a cactus.

I have those days more often than I care to admit.  They are the days I rely heavily on coffee to help me be less of a sleep deprived mombie, and they are the days I watch my free time flee as my kids seemingly tag-team for my attention. And they are always the days when I planned to accomplish multiple tasks.

Most of us would deem it a bad day. I always do. The children are whining and I can't wait until I can start wining too. There's a pile of laundry at the top of the stairs and a pile of dishes to rival it on the counter. My coffee is cold, I need to pee, and both boys need me right now. I feel like I'm going crazy. Everything is wrong. I raise my voice, trying to gain control of the chaos. But in reality, I am only adding to it. No one listens, and I definitely do not feel better. Once things are seen as negative, it's hard to climb back up that slippery slope.

Yup. It's a bad day.

We have a mason jar glass. It is simple and ordinary, but on one side the words "today is a good day" are printed. I always seem to grab this glass on these bad days. It's just a cup and I never notice it's the one I grab, not until I've sat down to drink whatever beverage it is filled with. In the two seconds it takes to read the words, my mind shifts. In those two seconds, I've looked back on the day and while I recall the moments of grumpiness, a tiny voice - my guardian angel perhaps - speaks out, saying, "Remember how your baby fell asleep in your arms, looking so peaceful? That was pretty good." Or "Did you see the joy in your toddler's eyes when you correctly interpreted his babbled request? That was pretty special. And that first sip of coffee when it was still hot was pretty relaxing."

Within those seconds, I've come to realize today IS a good day. Just as every day has the potential to be. This isn't to say that some days won't be utterly draining, or exhausting, or tiresome. Some certainly will. But every day has something good in it, even if it's only a single thing. And I think that is grounds for it to be a good day.


A Brief Introduction

I was never very good at introductions. They always feel like a long laundry list of who I am and it always feels so stale. Besides, where's the fun in getting to know someone if everything is laid out before you first thing?

I am an every day woman; a wife to a good man and a mother to two little boys. They fill my life with love, happiness, and simplicity.. In quiet moments, you can find me creating through crocheting, writing, drawing, or filling up my bullet journal. Give me good company, a warm beverage,and deep conversation and this sociable introvert will be content.

While I have dreams and goals for the future, I am blessed to be living my biggest dream through my vocations to marriage and motherhood. All else is icing on the spice cake. In the meantime, you can find me sipping my cold coffee, chasing my boys, and raising them to be giants.

God Will Bless Your Efforts

In following my previous post, my discontentment didn't disappear completely. I knew what I wanted in theory, but I couldn't see pas...