An opportunity presented itself to me in August. It presented itself in the chance to turn my hobby into a business and earn an income doing something I enjoyed. It seemed perfect for a stay-at-home mom like myself and I wanted it bad.
All I had to do was pay the buy in price and I'd have access to discounts and advice from fellow mom's running small creative businesses. It sounded amazing! But my husband had doubts and valid reasons as to why it wasn't the right time or fit. It would have been a huge investment of money and time, with little guarantee of success. I reluctantly knew he was right, but the temptation persisted. I didn't take part in the opportunity and resisted the glamours of what it could be. Yet in passing up what could have been, I gave in to the other side of the temptation. In not getting what I desired, I forgot what I did have and what was truly important.
Discontent filled my heart and mind. Somehow I had convinced myself that in order to be happier as a stay-at-home mom, I needed something outside - something separate - from my vocation as a wife and mother. After all, every moment was spent towards fulfilling that vocation, from the time I woke up to the moment I fell asleep at night. Didn't I deserve to have something of my own in which to out pour my passion?
The discontent continued and seeped into my duties. I did the bare minimum and often grumbled. My ambitions were skewed. Everyone else could do everything better than me. I wanted to be more than "just" a mom.
August passed and with it the opportunity. I had taken on a commission piece with a time sensitivity. Every spare moment was spent on completing this project. There was little joy in making it and any time interruptions occurred, I became impatient. When I finished it, I was relieved and the realization dawned that I wasn't ready for the responsibility of running my own business. In running it, my family duties would be neglected. I didn't have the time to put in the effort required to run a business. Not at the expense of my family. They are much more important than the income I could bring.
With this realization came uncertainty. I knew I needed to refocus my heart and mind on my vocation, but where did I begin? What was I supposed to do to change my focus and fulfill my vocation? I had ideas, yet my vision remained blurred by my own insecurities.
My vision has cleared someone. I wouldn't say I am out of the fog yet, but God has shown me some ways to make real and positive changes, if I just take the steps to get there.
